wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
