its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
