Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We left the knife in your bed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
