i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
