this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
