Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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