Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is Oprah even human
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
