Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
it glows. i had to have it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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