ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i've created a new STD.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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