Reggie can tackle my bush.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
