What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
This baby is an asshole
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
