Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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