You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
