omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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