I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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