Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
