Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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