there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize