I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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