I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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