He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
