Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
