I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
