I think I died a long time ago.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
