there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
