I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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