You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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