at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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