I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
