My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You are a genius and a whore.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
