i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I will be naked everywhere
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize