I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
