Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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