Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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