Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
