I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
