Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
