Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
