i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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