Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I am naked and annoyed.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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