I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
