WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
