Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
