I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
