She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
