Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
