My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
