i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize