Define "chronic" masturbator.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
