The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
