so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
