Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
