There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize