Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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