have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Ladies don't puke and tell
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
