I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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