we have pet lesbian snakes
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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