Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
kristin has been a bad kristin
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Small penises have feelings too.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
