I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
