he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
