My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
