wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
