Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize