I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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