yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize