My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
