Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I wish you could order shots online.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
