I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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