is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Four minutes until I can fart!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
