She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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